The middle path, the balanced life, the one that elevates, glides, floats and flies between the wings of spirit and structure. Both wings beautiful, both light, colourful, evolved and transformed. Both wings exciting, full of lessons to be learnt and taught. But I choose to be the centre line, Between the two. The caterpillar.
Between the complimentary scales of the wild and the known. Between two worlds. Where my greatest teacher is myself.
I am the caterpillar I have always been the caterpillar. But with my wings filled with curiosity, one wing east, one wing west, I’m learning to fly.
I have had a calling. To be honest I have had several callings, but I have misunderstood them, or ignored them. My mind has been elsewhere or all over the place. My mind made me forget how to be. Stuck in the past, unaware of the present, trying to control the future. I have started writing this book twice before. Obstacles burnt my work into the hidden ashes of despair. Too preoccupied with drowning my sorrows of the past and my fears of the future, I forgot how to relight a fire. Until now.
We are living in a time where our powers and strengths as humans are beyond any previous manifestations of our evolution, but our awareness of these powers are dangerously low. We are able even, to split our planet, to blow the whole thing up, but for what?
We are living in a time of self-destruction, addictions and auto pilot, of cancer and atomic bombs, of anti-depressants and chemotherapy. Of murder, and rape and disease and over consumption. The time has come to wake up, to continue evolving, it is our purpose, NOW. The problems of Our World will not change with the same problems that created this mess. We have evolved before, its within our capability to evolve again. Evolution, egolution, has to happen, now. We have to become aware of ourselves.
So here it is. As requested by the universe. Raw as raw can be, for whoever so pleases to read it. The unravelling of my mind, through my pen, to you. I don’t care who you are or where you’re from, I’m accepting my calling, and I know you are too. My book of stories, poems, dreams and thoughts, channelled straight through my awareness, with the intention of evolving my mind.
My scrap book starts when I was diagnosed with a ‘disease’ which gave doctors the right to pump my body full of steroids and methotrexate, a medication used as to kill the immune system, and drown my voice. It goes on to when I was 18 and decided I was through with that life, with pharmaceuticals and modern education and decided to move to Thailand on my own. It goes on to share my journey of living with no money, life in the jungle, of dengue fever, of domestic violence, selling dope, drug addictions, an eating disorder. It shares dark, scary, lonely times. It shares the dark and it shares the light. Of following my calling, which I have had my whole life, to write and to share. It shares stories of healers I’ve learnt from. Tribes, shamans, monks, tantric masters, blessings from The Dalai Lama, My Guru, The Himalayas. It shares my journey of struggling to find the balance between Eastern teachings and a western lifestyle. Of daily parties and weeks of solidarity.
Be patient with this book, it takes me some time to confront my truths, and reveal my full story. To understand my mind, my purpose, my soul. I am a changed person from beginning to end, I have transformed, I see and understand life differently, between each page I have grown. Sometimes moving forward, sometimes taking two steps back. but that’s my journey, that is how I learn. That is how I am slowly discovering the true nature of my Self.
I am a wanderer and my dreams say to share. And I follow my dreams.
The Butterfly Awakening; The Scrap Book of My Mind
By Jessica Noifeld
Copyright © Jessica Noifeld 2019